do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
love makes seman taste better
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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