She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
