a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
