True but thats because hes a fetus.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
