I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
