I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Randomize
