Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
