i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
