lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
