also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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