you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
