explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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