this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
