Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
