There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
