Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
