I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
