i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
