I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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