I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
