i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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