Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
