Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
