are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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