Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
