Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
