cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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