we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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