i need an iv and a liver transplant
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
