Sry I called you an 8
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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