am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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