Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
