why didn't you poke me back
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
