btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
