things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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