Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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