If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
