If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
