He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
