you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
