i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
