i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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