Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
