When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
