why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My liver just had a heart attack.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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