At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
