I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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