i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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