Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
