i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't deserve a penis
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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