it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
wow bdsm is so cute
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
