help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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