So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
