shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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