you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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